Home Alone literally makes no sense…


You know, when you think of classic Christmas movies You probably think of like A Christmas Story or The Santa Clause or you know You got, like, the first Die Hard movie if you’re one of those people. But I think the Christmas movie that really defined my generation, at least, was Home Alone, and just like I do for a lot of movies or TV shows here on my channel I thought I would take a look back, now that I’m a little older, you know, and I see things a little bit different and just see how it holds up. So I did and there was one thing that really struck me about Home Alone after I finished it. This movie makes absolutely zero sense! Take a seat. Let me show you what I’m talking about. So the movie starts out with the McCalister family preparing for their big trip to Paris the next morning. Tensions are high, everyone’s on edge scrambling to get everything ready, and in the middle of all of this we meet Kevin. Kevin: Mom, Kevin: Uncle Frank won’t let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. He’s just being a jerk. Kevin’s Mom: Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, Kevin’s Mom: Then it must be really bad. No I’m not bringing the dog… Kevin’s Mom: Hey, hey, hey. Get off! Kevin, out of the room! Kevin: Get off the phone and make me, why don’t you? You know, there’s nothing more 90’s then having, like, the main character kid be like super obnoxious to everyone. You know, I don’t know what it was but 90s kids all had this like attitude, you know Like what was that? Like every commercial was like, “Your parents are so dumb, right kids? Hehe! Radical!” Anyway, we find out pretty quick that literally no one likes Kevin at all. For pretty obvious reasons to be fair. But then, we meet Buzz: Buzz: Don’t you know how to knock, Flem Wad? You know, I feel like every family has at least one Buzz, you know what I mean? Just like the worst kid with the ugliest face. Like where do these kids even come from? Anyway, Buzz over here starts telling Kevin about their neighbor, old man Marley. Buzz: He walks up and down the streets every night, Buzz: salting the sidewalks. Buzz: See that garbage can full of salt? That’s were he keeps his victims. The salt turns to bodies to mummies. Buzz: Look out! Remember when you were a kid and everyone just made up, like, the dumbest stories? You know, if you’re tootsie pop wrapper has a Native American with a star on it, you get a free Tootsie Pop! How did like every kid know this rumor even though no one ever got a free tootsie pop? Anyway, so the pizza comes and as usual Kevin’s left out of the party. Kevin’s Dad: I have a travel check that don’t work in France. Kevin: Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Buzz: Oh, yeah, we did, but if you want any somebody’s gonna have to barf it all up cause it’s gone. Get a plate! So the scene actually just kind of goes on for a while and like if you go back and watch it yourself You’ll see what I’m talking about. But like, you know, sure Kevin’s annoying or whatever like yeah, but like let’s be honest Okay cause this whole entire family is – unbearable. Every kid is Sid from Toy Story, and every adult is like that one co-worker in your office who you’re always just, like, two seconds away from slapping across the face. Anyway, so Kevin gets mad and pushes Buzz, which makes him spill the milk, and then the Dad spills the Pepsi and then it’s all just pandemonium. Kevin’s Dad: Look what you did you little jerk? Finally Kevin’s mom has had enough and she takes him upstairs to the dungeon. And here’s where Kevin foreshadows like the whole rest of the movie. Kevin: Everyone in this family hates me! Kevin’s Mom: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family. Kevin: I don’t want a new family I don’t want any family. Family’s suck. Kevin’s Mom: Just stay up there. I don’t want to see you again for the rest of the night. Kevin: I don’t want to see you again for the rest of my whole life, and I didn’t want to see anybody else either. So that night is a Christmas miracle. A storm blows in a tree falls over and knocks out all the phone and power lines, now, this of course turns all the clocks and phones off and the whole family sleeps in. But thanks to the magic of Hollywood They all make it just in time not everyone of course because turns out they forgot one little thing You know, I never noticed this before but like Kevin’s I just woke up hair is basically every male j-pop group ever anyway So Kevin kind of wanders around his house looking for his family, but more importantly, you know I got to say what is it with the 90s and everyone having just the biggest houses? Okay. Yeah, Home Alone, Full House, probably a bunch of others I can’t even think of right now, but like every family no matter what they did for a living they all lived in these like 10,000 square foot mansions, you know, maybe the 90s really were a magical time anyway, so this is where kevin realizes his newfound superpowers Kevin, you completely helpless. No, Kevin. You’re with the French call. Amazing convict Dom Kevin I’m going to feed you to my tarantula Kevin you are such a disease I’ve made my family disappear So, let me do a montage of Kevin doing all this stuff His family wouldn’t let him before like eating as much ice cream as he wants or you know Like riding his sled down the stairs and somehow going straight out the front door, even though like that mean How does that even work but you know, this is the part of the movie that every kid loved just this idea You know where it’s like you’re home by yourself. No parents. No stupid older brother older, sister, or whatever. You just do whatever you want. What’s thinking about now? Kind of makes me laugh cuz like if I had the whole house to myself now, I mean, I probably just take a nap Let’s be real here. But anyway earlier in the movie There was a police officer going from house to house checking on people for the holiday So it turns out he was actually a house burglar scoping out the place That night he and his buddy trying to break in but Kevin turns on the lights and scares them away She said they were gone? They were supposed to leave this morning. Now fearing they might come back Kevin rigs up the most complex Animatronics set up this side of Disneyworld. Okay, like this was something else with like 80s and 90s kids movie You know? Because like somehow every kid was just a genius of mechanical engineering Kevin’s like what, eight, and somehow he not only thought all this stuff up but dragged all these mannequins around the house and hooked everything together Like what if the burglars didn’t even come back and he was just dancing around with mannequins all by himself like some kind of weirdo But as look what happened it ends up working and scares the burglars away but like to be fair I think that has more to do with the fact that no one wants to set foot in a house with that many mannequins in It because I mean hello, like what kind of house you live in in Kevin now after all of this Kevin ordered some pizza? But just like one scene earlier, you know, Kevin’s dad is trying to call his neighbors to go check on Kevin but he can’t get a hold of anyone because remember back at the beginning of the movie all the phone lines were cut by the Tree. So, how did Kevin order the pizza now? I’m sure I’m not the first person to bring this up But the whole point of the movie is that Kevin’s family can’t call him because the phones don’t work and like, okay So he orders pizza by phone Which is the only way that makes sense cuz this is the 90s after all so he must have spoken to someone at the pizza Place, right? Why does he go through all the trouble of using the VHS tape to talk to the pizza guy? He still pays the money anyway, so like why is this even happening? This whole scene makes no sense whatsoever Anyway, so the two burglars stakeout all night to see what’s going on since they were so sure before that The house is supposed to be empty now the next morning they realized that Kevin is home alone. Oh I get it now Look that house is the only reason we started working this block in the first place ever since I laid eyes on that house I wanted it Get a bite to eat We’ll come back about nine o’clock, you know The first rule of being a house burglar is to loudly shout your plans to each other in public in the middle of the day Okay, I mean come on everyone knows that. So that night Kevin goes to the local church where he runs into old man Marley. Oh, no, Kevin, Kevin run. He’s coming for you. Actually, he just wants to talk about family and stuff. I came to hear my granddaughter’s sing. I Can’t come in here tonight. I’m not welcome. At church? I’m not welcome, with my son, years back before you and your family moved in the block. I had an argument with my son. I told him he could only wear his weird dog costume on weekends and he was like It’s my first sound of dad. You don’t understand you can get beat up for you something like that Yeah, I have a friend who got nail cuz I was a woman he would dinosaur pajamas see right? That’s what I said And then I threatened to take away all this Sailor Moon toys and well, you know Here we are So they become best friends and Kevin goes home which by the way He apparently just left the door completely unlocked, even though he knows two burglars are coming that night So like what are you doing Kevin? And that’s when everything goes go this is my house Now this penultimate part of the movie pretty much everyone knows right Kevin sets up this route Goldberg machine of the most elaborate Life-threatening booby traps, you can imagine like seriously This is all cute and fun because it’s a movie but like any one of these would probably kill a person And like at the very end of all of this okay, Kevin finally calls the cops which I mean like why now Okay, like you know how to hook up a lever pulley system for a flamethrower But calling the fuzz never crossed your mind till now Kevin but then comes my favorite part of the movie: The Zipline of Time-travel, because like Kevin jumps on right and then suddenly he transformed seems like a 40 year old man for like five seconds Yeah, I got a lot of questions for this movie. Okay? So finally the cops show up and catch the Wet Bandits who are somehow still alive After all this and everything turns out fine then it’s Christmas morning and Kevin gets the greatest present of all Merry Christmas, sweetheart I’m not crying. You’re crying shut up. Like let’s be real here Okay, cuz you know that Kevin’s gonna hold this over his mom’s head for the rest of her life, Kevin Did you max out all my credit cards? Just you could buy this weird dog costume. It’s my first son of mom You’d know that if you weren’t so busy flying to Paris and leaving an eight-year-old kid all alone on Christmas, you know I gotta say home alone is not a bad movie per se I mean It’s just your typical 80s 90s kids adventure movie where adults are all bumbling idiots and kids all have PhDs and civil engineering You know, like I know I’m just kind of repeating myself here But really nothing in this movie makes any sense like not even a little bit home alone exists as a sort of time capsule of how like in the 90s you have so many of these Classical lovin movies, you know and most of them are just bizarrely nonsensical I think the only way that anyone could really enjoy this movie at this point is if you have Nostalgia for it already cause like I’m sure if you show this movie to a kid nowadays They’d be like what the heck is this old garbage? And you know what? They’d be right Everybody. Thanks for watching. So this concludes the Christmas portion of our program now last year I did the Santa Clause which you should also check out but I was gonna do Santa Clause too But I was thinking like, you know I want to do something a little more classic because I think with Christmas movies right like there’s so many new Christmas movie let you Watch Hallmark Channel new Christmas movie every week. Even if it’s not Christmas, it could be like July and they’re putting out Christmas movies I don’t know why they do that But anyway, it’s always thinking like what’s another one that kind of fills that same gap and of course you know a home alone came up and I’m everything like You know home alone home alone was pretty good like that movie probably holds it pretty well, like I said in the video It’s not a bad movie Like it’s totally watchable and if it’s fun it’s a fun movie to watch but like why was this movie so beloved back in the day cause it’s like you know young and all the like everyone knows home alone, but it’s just like it’s so Just bizarre, like nothing makes any sense that the motivations for any and all characters Just don’t add up at all like I mean it does it doesn’t that classic kids movie thing where it’s just like, you know, the scary old man next door and You know your parents leave you alone and I was just college. It’s like a little bit So as a kid you’ve loved right and does adult Like I said, it’s fun to watch but I don’t know going back and watching it now. It’s just like man’s like why did everybody like this movie so much it’s not bad movie, but it’s like why this much You know 2018 was an interesting year for everyone, you know It was kind of had a lot of ups and lot of downs for me. It was a great year But you know for you, maybe not so much like I mentioned before Where the process of moving we’ve had this big life change? You know YouTube kind of came in and and and everything just is different Now, you know, it’s hard to it’s one of those things. You don’t really plan for you Hope it happens, but you don’t really think it will, you know And then when it does you’re like well now what do I do? You know And if I don’t forget to subscribe, don’t forget to ring the bell turn on notifications because I put out videos every week But you know, sometimes they don’t get uploaded to the right thing or shared around or whatever it is So, you know just so you don’t miss the video. Click that bell follow me on Twitter. Let me know What was your favorite part of the video or if you have suggestions for any videos I should do in 2019, you know Whatever you don’t let me know. I’m always open to suggestions follow without chow in Instagram charlie meets pumpkin My poster almost every single day. So you get a little extra Charlie in your life and above all else everybody Have a great day. Have a great holiday. Like I said, you know, and I guess I’ll see you next time

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