Ellen Plays Personal Shopper for a Stay-at-Home Mom

Anyway, it’s September. And you know what that means. It’s time to start
talking about Christmas [APPLAUSE] You’re excited about that. I’m so glad you’re
excited about that. [LAUGHING] To most people, it’s stressful. But for you, it’s very exciting. I bring it up because– I don’t know if you heard– Amazon is announcing they are
selling 7-foot Christmas trees. Real Christmas trees. Amazon. [LAUGHING] So years from now,
families can reminisce about the beautiful
tradition where they’d gather around
together and say, “Alexa, buy me a tree.” [LAUGHING] It’s always fun to
go pick out a tree. That’s part of it. Anyway, it got me thinking
how much shopping has changed over the years, because in
the old days, there was like, a general store. It was just a general store. And that’s where you’d go
to buy– nothing specific. You just, generally
speaking, needed stuff. And it was kind of
awkward, because everything was in that store. So you’d go. And I’m looking for some
baby formula and moonshine and a thong. [LAUGHING] So different stores
popped up after that. They had the five and
dimes and Woolworth’s. And eventually, someone
invented the mall. I believe it was
Jebediah Cinnabon. [LAUGHING] That was his name. And for the first time, we
had stores to choose from. And seniors finally
had a place to walk– get their steps in. So that was good. [LAUGHING] And, kids, you
won’t believe this. But many years ago, the
only way to buy something was to go to a store. [LAUGHING] But then, Al Gore
invented the internet. And now, you can shop in the
comfort of your own home. And I’m not saying
you should do it, but it’s fun getting
packages that you don’t remember ordering. [LAUGHING] Who got me a telescope? Oh, that was me. I was drunk. I don’t know. [LAUGHING] But even online shopping
is much, much too hard for some people. So now there are
personal shoppers. And here’s what they do. Well, you fill out
a questionnaire, then they send you stuff. And you keep what you want,
and you send back the rest. And of course, if
you’re too lazy to shop, you’re probably too
lazy to send it back. So that’s how they get you. [LAUGHING] Anyway, I thought I would
like to be someone’s personal shopper today. And I was just watching you
before the show started in. And I’m going to help somebody. And not to say
you need anything. [LAUGHING] It’s not because of
what you’re wearing. But, young lady,
you, right here. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC PLAYING] Hello, hi. Hello. I like what you have on. So it’s got nothing
to do with that. Thank you. Why are you backing
away from me? [LAUGHING] Come stand here. Hi. Hi. First of all, let
me learn about you, because you were just supposed
to fill out a questionnaire. [LAUGHING] Let’s just keep going
back and forth like this and then back like
this while we talk. It’s like we’re dancing almost. Yes. So what is your name? I’m Dara [? Dextrace. ?] Hi, Dara. Hello. [? Dextrace? ?] Yes. That’s a good name. Thanks. And where do you live? I live in California,
northern California. Uh-huh. Yeah, don’t get too specific. [LAUGHING] Yeah. All right. And then, OK, let me ask
you some more questions. You keep, here– I’m sorry. [LAUGHING] What do you do for a living? I was a teacher. And I am a stay-at-home mom now. Right, because you
kept backing away. That’s why. [LAUGHING] [APPLAUSE] Yeah. Probably. Yes. So, OK, kids, today you
are going to learn this. And then but before you
knew it, you were gone. And you thought you were
fired, but you actually just walked away. [LAUGHING] All right, I’m going to ask
you some things about shopping. When you wear
things, what do you like to accentuate the most? Your arms, your legs,
your badonkadonk? Well, lately, it’s my waist. Uh-huh. High rise jeans,
mom jeans, I guess, are my favorite right now. OK, great, OK. Yeah. And do you like clothes
that are stylish? Yes, I do. OK, so you’d prefer
stylish over not stylish. Of course. OK, would you prefer
comfortable clothes or not comfortable clothes? Comfortable, comfortable. Now, would you prefer
something that’s reasonably priced or
way too expensive? Expensive– just kidding, no. Very affordable, right now. Very affordable. Yeah, OK, good. All right, I have just
the thing for you. And you’re going to
really, really like this. OK. So I have a new line called EV1. It stands for “everyone.” And it’s available at Walmart. And you’re going to
love my t-shirts. There’s cute t-shirts. There’s cute jeans. There are the denims that
you’re talking about. There we go. And then also like,
this jacket I’m wearing. This is my jacket. [APPLAUSE] See? It’s gorgeous. I love it. OK, so they are everything. They’re stylish, comfortable,
affordable, all that stuff. And here’s $1,000– [APPLAUSE] What? Are you kidding? –to go shopping. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. I appreciate that. All right, now you
can back to your seat. And I want everybody here to
look stylish and be comfortable as well. So you’re all getting a
$150 gift card for Walmart. You’re welcome. [APPLAUSE]

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